Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
