i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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