you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
