No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
