my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
