Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
