my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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