Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
