Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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