Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
