Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
