I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
