I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
