question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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