There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Four minutes until I can fart!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
