My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
