sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm bleeding and have questions
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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