My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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