Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
