I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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