god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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