he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
