pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
