my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
