You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
