I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
