I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
