She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
