this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
