5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
