??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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