I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
