I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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