Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
