kristin has been a bad kristin
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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