I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
