Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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