I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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