goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just found a bag of teeth...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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