i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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