I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
thus making me awesome and them whores
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
