I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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