so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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