and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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