Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
