I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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