you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
