Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
