Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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