trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
