Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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