My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
