i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
